A Star Is Born
Audrey Hepburn was born Audrey Kathleen Ruston on May 4th, 1929, in Brussels, Belgium. She was born into an aristocratic family; her mother was Baroness Ella van Heemstra Ruston-Hepburn, and her father was Joseph Victor Anthony Ruston. The family called the young Audrey by her nickname, Adriaantje.
In 1935, when Audrey was six, her father abandoned the family. He jumped on a boat and disappeared from their lives. His betrayal changed her life and shaped her personality.
Childhood Trauma
In one of her last interviews, Hepburn revealed to Life magazine how devastating her parents’ divorce was. “My father leaving was the first big blow I had as a child; it was a trauma that left a very big mark on me; it left me insecure for life.”
She continued, “He disappeared one day. Mother explained he had gone away on a trip and was not coming back. Mother wouldn’t stop crying, I would just try and be with her, but as a child, you can’t quite understand.”
Origin Story
Years later, Audrey described her father abandoning the family as “the most traumatic event of my life.” She often spoke of the devastating effects of abandonment because she felt that “children need two parents.”
Ella cared for Audrey, but as a product of Dutch nobility, she was old-fashioned, emotionally distant, and cold. “I worshiped my father and missed him terribly from the day he disappeared. … My mother had great love for me, but she was not always able to show it.”
Staying Safe
Audrey grew up in Belgium, The Netherlands, and England. When she was seven, her mom sent her to boarding school in Kent, England, between 1936 and 1939. In 1939, she and her mother returned to the Netherlands because Ella believed they would be safer there.
Ella and Joseph had both raised money for the British right-wing party, and Joseph was later imprisoned as an enemy of the United Kingdom. When Audrey became famous, her PR team worked hard to keep this side of the family history hidden.
Italian Housewife
The pair lived in Rome, and according to People magazine, Andrea expected Audrey to stay home being a traditional Italian housewife, dutiful to her husband, and dedicated to their home and children. However, while Audrey stayed home with her sons, Andrea regularly went clubbing in Rome.
Sadly, she lost another pregnancy in 1974 and fell into melancholy and despair. While Zsa Zsa Gabor famously said, “I want to be alone,” it’s understandable why a distraught Hepburn paraphrased, “I don’t want to be alone, I want to be left alone.”
Semi-Retirement
Audrey went into semi-retirement to look after Sean and Luka. As a result, she only made two movies in the 1970s and 1980s and became more isolated and depressed at home in Rome. During the 1970s, she and her husband were both unfaithful.
Desperately lonely and in need of love, admiration, and approval, Audrey struck up an affair with married actor Ben Gazzara while filming Bloodline in 1979. She knew her husband was also cheating, but she had no idea how bad things really were.
Suspicious Minds
Hepburn had her suspicions about her husband’s extra-marital affairs, but her worst fears came true when their maid revealed Dotti would often bring young women back to their home while Audrey was away.
British filmmaker Helena Coan, who directed the highly recommended 2020 documentary, Audrey, revealed, “Her second husband was photographed with 200 different women he was having affairs with, he was insanely adulterous.” The marriage eventually broke down in 1980, and they divorced in 1982.
Audrey Finally Finds Love
In 1980 a friend introduced Hepburn to Dutch actor Robert Wolders. His wife, British actress Merle Oberon had passed away the previous year, and he and Audrey struck up a loving, respectful relationship.
By the end of the decade, she called the time had spent with Wolders the happiest years of her life. When asked why they never married, Wolders said, “I felt she had two unhappy marriages; it was wonderful the way it was.” Finally, Audrey Hepburn had found true love. But her life was about to get even better.
Audrey Finally Finds Purpose
In 1988 UNICEF appointed Hepburn as a Goodwill Ambassador. After international aid had helped during her childhood, Audrey wanted to show her gratitude by paying it forward. Her first mission was to Ethiopia, which left her heartbroken and wanting to do more.
She had finally found her calling. It might have taken her until she was 60, but now she knew her purpose on the planet. Audrey Hepburn wouldn’t just look after her own children; she would look after all the children in the world.
The Pied Piper
Over the next few years, her volunteering took her to Turkey, South and Latin America, Bangladesh, Sudan, and Vietnam to help.
When she and Robert were in Bangladesh, UN photographer John Isaac said, “Often the kids would have flies all over them, but she would just go hug them. I had never seen that. Other people had a certain amount of hesitation, but she would just grab them. Children would just come up to hold her hand, touch her — she was like the Pied Piper.”
Last Days
In 1992, Hepburn was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for her work as a UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador. Upon returning from Somalia to Switzerland in late September 1992, she developed abdominal pain. It was the worst news imaginable.
After undergoing treatment in America, Hepburn returned home to Switzerland to celebrate her last Christmas. After celebrating with her family, she said, “It was the most beautiful Christmas I ever had.” On the evening of January 20th, 1993, Audrey Hepburn passed away peacefully in her sleep at home.
Desire to Be Loved
Audrey Hepburn was one of the most famous, beautiful, and successful actresses of all time, but she never overcame her profound insecurities. Her deep anxieties about her looks, lack of confidence, and worries surrounding expectations and talent followed from the moment her father left.
Hepburn’s granddaughter Emma Ferrer, who was born a year after her grandmother passed away, confessed, “The best-kept secret about Audrey was that she was sad.”
State of Grace
Audrey never won her father’s approval. But luckily for us, her deep desire to be loved gave us one of the most graceful, funny, iconic actresses Hollywood has ever seen. She took her childhood pain and turned it into art and compassion.
Longtime friend and composer Michael Tilson Thomas prefers to remember Audrey like this: “She had this ability to make everyone who met her feel that she was really seeing them and recognizing what was special about them. There was a state of grace about her. Somebody who is seeing the best in a situation, seeing the best in people.”